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Hello, this is Dame Helen, a notoriously frank and uncensored kitty lady. She was found starving and cold, trying to survive on the streets.

The collective ’we’ are dumbfounded that people don’t take better care of their elders, especially once they get old and need a little more help.

If people dump their senior animals, they, simply put, are short-sighted, utterly useless, oxygen-wasting, human forms of pollution, Darwin-award deserving, selfish cowards. If their brains were donated to science, science would return them. So stop it.

Now the chances are, you’re a fun, solid respectable human being. Dame Helen’s owners were pillocks, so she now has to be on a special food to help baby her kidneys. If you would like to help her find a home, please know that she’s soliciting for a sponsor for her food until that suitable, loving adopter comes along and finds out what a loving little lady she is.

Please call us at 719-635-5000 if you’d like to sponsor or adopt her. Her Happy Cats friends and family thank you, the friends & family of other kitties thank you and your future self thanks you. Cheers to you!

(We named her Dame Helen a month ago when we thought she needed a dignified, fresh start. Little did we know what a "frank and uncensored" kitty she would be come Super Bowl Sunday! Thanks for your support! )

Sara Ferguson
Colorado Springs, CO

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